Friday, December 21, 2007

Feeling a bit better.......Sept. 22nd

Here is the next one. It was dated Sept. 22nd.

I ended up spending quite a bit of time with "A" the
last couple days. We hung out Thurs. until time for me
to go to the recovery group. Then, she asked to come
with me. We hung out for a while after the group too.
It wasn't too long or anything though. Then yesterday,
we starting hanging out at about 8:00PM. We went to a
midnight show, got out at 2:30AM. Then, we went to
IHOP, ate, sat in the parking lot until about 8:00AM,
went back in, ate again, and finally ended our evening
at 9:45AM. You may be wondering why I titled the
e-mail feeling a bit better. The reason is because I
called my therapist when I got home. We set up a 2:30
appt. so I could at least get a few hours of sleep.
She was able to point out to me how even though I
messed up a little, that it was still progress. Yes, I
held her hand, yes, I kissed her. But, right when it
was about to go further, we stopped. "A" and I were
able to figure some things out about our feelings. We
both decided that we didn't need this right now. "A"
told me that she wouldn't go any further if I would
feel guilty later. I told her that I most certainly
would feel guilty and it stopped right then. She even
recommended that despite her advice from last
Thursday, that I continue my friendship with her. She
said that it's OK to hold hands, OK to hug, because
those are normal in a friendship. Perhaps that is what
we are in need of, not the sexual contact. I'm still
supposed to be careful and watch where things start to
lead. She also told me that I need to call her BEFORE
I kiss her again, instead of telling her about it
afterward. Talk about a mood breaker.......hold that
kiss right there, I have to call my therapist.
Anyway, yes, I went further than I should have gone,
but, it is not the end of the world. I didn't do
anywhere near the things I could have done. I'm not in
a downward spiral as satan would have me think. I'm
able to pick myself up and keep moving forward, and
THAT is why I'm feeling a bit better.


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