Temptations abound
Ever since I made my decision known, and became absolutely determined to live by it, temptations are coming from every direction. I am being tempted by things I have both done in the past and even new things. I am a recovering alcoholic and haven't had a drink for 6 1/2 years (on Saturday). However, lately, I've come seriously close to taking a drink. I know that if I start drinking again though, my life will be a whole lot harder than it is now. I know that the Spirit can't be with me if I am living that way. I'm kind of used to wanting to drink though. So, that hasn't been as hard as it could be.
However, what I was NOT expecting was some of the other temptations that have come my way. I consider myself a very honest person. In fact I am known at work for my honesty and integrity. I've owned up to mistakes I've made and have always made it a point to make sure I'm scrupulously honest. One of my coworkers told me a couple months ago that she and the other managers make sure that if they do something wrong, they don't tell me because they know I would do something about it. Now, having said all that, here is what is going on now....
On any given day, I count thousands of dollars. I have to balance out the safe as well as doing the deposits. All of a sudden, I just starting having an urge to take the money. It was the weirdest thing. Then, we started selling thousands of dollars in gift certificates a day as well. Since we're going through so many, we stopped keeping a good count of them. So, it would be SOOOO easy to simply take a book or two. I don't know what's going on. Actually, I think I do. I think satan has decided that he'd better start tempting me in some other way to try to keep the Spirit from being with me. It's really hard, but hopefully, as long as I recognize what's going on, I can stay strong.
However, what I was NOT expecting was some of the other temptations that have come my way. I consider myself a very honest person. In fact I am known at work for my honesty and integrity. I've owned up to mistakes I've made and have always made it a point to make sure I'm scrupulously honest. One of my coworkers told me a couple months ago that she and the other managers make sure that if they do something wrong, they don't tell me because they know I would do something about it. Now, having said all that, here is what is going on now....
On any given day, I count thousands of dollars. I have to balance out the safe as well as doing the deposits. All of a sudden, I just starting having an urge to take the money. It was the weirdest thing. Then, we started selling thousands of dollars in gift certificates a day as well. Since we're going through so many, we stopped keeping a good count of them. So, it would be SOOOO easy to simply take a book or two. I don't know what's going on. Actually, I think I do. I think satan has decided that he'd better start tempting me in some other way to try to keep the Spirit from being with me. It's really hard, but hopefully, as long as I recognize what's going on, I can stay strong.
posted by Latter-gay-saint at 10:55 PM
2 Comments:
I was reading a group message board yesterday and this kid was bragging about how he got a video game free from BestBuy. Basically, the cashier mistakenly didn't ring it up and he thought that was awesome. The subsequent discussion in which some people said it had been stealing regardless of the error by the employee but by far the most saying they should shut up and that he was lucky and hadn't done a thing wrong.
I don't know why that's even relevant except to show that I think most people have a pretty screwed up sense of what is right. I'm no saint, but I at least don't lie to myself when I do something wrong. So, I think it's good that you are recognizing this early on.
I also heard on the radio once where a normally honest woman got into a snow-balling habit over time of taking alcoholic beverage tickets from the inside of a roll of tickets (which meant the number of tickets sold on the outside of the roll matched the severely depleted cash drawer she left behind). She started out slow and was soon completely out of control.
Anyway, good luck dealing with all your temptations. I'll be thinking of you and praying for you.
Keep up the strength!
Congrats on your 6.5 years. That's awesome!
We're here for you!
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